Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
