I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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