I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Damn victory sex feels great
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize