We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
