My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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