I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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