I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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