Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
