belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
