You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
