I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
