Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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