Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
