I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Randomize
