do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
