Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
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I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
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The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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