Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
