The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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