I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
