Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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