we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
