Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
