I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
