remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
