Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
