Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
what day is it and did you see me today?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I smell like Dick and happiness
We need to feng shui this bitch.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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