You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
