i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Success! We fucked roommates!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
