That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
