I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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