I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
