rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just google imaged poop.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
