Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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