I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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