I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
