i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
