I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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