Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
