the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
