Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
