the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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