apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
