I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
