come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
