At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
