I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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