Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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