Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
