i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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