Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
