Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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