he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
