his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
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Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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