the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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