U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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