i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
