I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
