I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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