I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
