so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
