And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
