He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
