I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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