I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
